I have been wide awake during many of these midsummer’s nights. This time of the year has a unique quality to it. Although the energy is high, it is a natural moment for rest, very much like the period after Christmas. A time of not wanting or doing too much, of simply giving everything to ripen and come to fruition. I have enjoyed this energy and felt guilty for being lazy at the same time.
Being lazy to me is not being in a productive, creative, income-generating state of being. I think I have internalized this presumption to an extent that I often force myself into this state, even when the energy is not there. I am, like most of us, conditioned by a society in which everything is valued by its worth or needs to be ‘of use’. Sad, but true.
The Tenacious Belief to Be Someone Worthwhile
Being aware of the undercurrent does not necessarily free me from its grip. My beliefs are tenacious. There is good and bad in them. The bad is that they can be fueled by egoic desire to ‘be someone worthwhile’. This makes me feel guilty in moments I do not feel inspired. The good is that sometimes I need a little push to get out of my comfort zone and share my thoughts regardless of what I think of their worth.
Habits form over a period of persistent practice. Writing is hard for me. I find myself facing an annoying inner critic that condemns every sentence I put down. However, when I succeed in sharing in a way that is both meaningful to you and to myself, I find it to be a worthwhile way to spend my time.
I realize a little discipline goes a long way, as long as I stay honest to myself and keep examining why I do what I do. I hope I inspire you to do the same.